How to Make the Most of Visits with Your Loved One

When a loved one moves to an assisted living community, visits take on new significance. For many families, there's uncertainty about what to do during visits, how often to come, and how to make the time meaningful. The good news is that quality always trumps quantity—a thoughtful thirty-minute visit can be far more valuable than hours spent simply sitting together.

Shifting Your Perspective

Before diving into activities and strategies, it helps to reframe how you think about visits. You're no longer coming to check on household tasks or assess care needs—that's now handled by a professional team. Instead, your visits can focus purely on connection and relationship.

This shift can be liberating. Without the weight of caregiving responsibilities, you can simply be a daughter, son, spouse, or grandchild again. You can enjoy each other's company without the exhaustion and stress that often accompanies hands-on caregiving.

That said, the transition takes adjustment. Some family members feel guilty that they're not "doing" more. Others struggle with what to talk about or how to fill the time. These feelings are normal and usually ease as new patterns develop.

Planning Meaningful Activities

While simply sitting together has value, bringing an activity can enhance visits and give you both something to focus on. Consider your loved one's current abilities, interests, and energy levels when planning.

For Those Who Enjoy Conversation

• • Bring photos or albums to look through together. Images from their past can spark stories and memories, especially for those with cognitive decline who may recall distant memories better than recent ones.
• • Share family updates and show pictures of children, grandchildren, and pets. Keeping them connected to family life matters, even when they can't attend events in person.
• • Read aloud together—newspaper articles, favorite books, or letters. Reading can be enjoyable even for those who can no longer read independently.

For Those Who Enjoy Doing

• • Play cards or simple games. Familiar games provide structure and can be adapted to current abilities. Even just shuffling cards can be satisfying.
• • Do puzzles together. Jigsaw puzzles, word searches, or crosswords offer collaborative activity without demanding conversation.
• • Take a walk. If your loved one is mobile, walking through the community gardens or outdoor spaces provides gentle exercise and a change of scenery.
• • Do their nails or brush their hair. Gentle physical care can be intimate and comforting, maintaining connection through touch.

For Music Lovers

Music has remarkable power to reach people even when other forms of communication become difficult. Play songs from their youth, sing together, or simply enjoy listening. Music can unlock emotions and memories in ways that conversation cannot.

Timing Your Visits

The "when" of visiting matters as much as the "what." Consider:

Energy levels throughout the day. Many seniors are most alert and engaged in the morning or early afternoon. Late afternoon often brings fatigue, and for those with dementia, "sundowning" can make evenings challenging.

Meal times. Visiting during meals can be wonderful—you can share a meal together, and dining rooms are often social, pleasant environments. Ask the community about guest meal policies.

Activity schedules. Find out when your loved one's favorite activities occur. You might time visits to attend together, or deliberately visit during quieter times for one-on-one connection.

Your own schedule. Sustainable visiting patterns matter. A guilt-driven marathon visit once a month is less valuable than regular, shorter visits that you can maintain long-term.

When Visits Are Difficult

Sometimes visits don't go as hoped. Your loved one might be having a bad day, seem confused, or not recognize you. These moments are painful, but they don't mean visits are pointless.

Be flexible. If your planned activity isn't working, let it go. Sometimes the most meaningful visits involve simply sitting together, holding hands, or watching birds outside the window.

Don't correct or argue. If your loved one is confused about facts—what day it is, whether you've visited recently, or even who you are—gentle redirection is more helpful than correction. Meet them where they are.

It's okay to cut visits short. If your loved one is agitated or your presence seems to be making things worse, leaving early isn't failure—it's compassion for both of you.

Talk to staff. Caregivers can often provide insight into how your loved one has been doing, what approaches work best, and what times of day are generally better.

Including Children in Visits

Intergenerational visits can be wonderful for everyone. Children bring energy and spontaneity that seniors often enjoy, and children benefit from relationships with older adults.

Prepare children in advance. Explain what to expect, especially if grandma or grandpa looks or acts differently than they remember. Keep explanations simple and reassuring.

Bring activities to share. Drawing together, playing simple games, or reading books aloud gives structure to the visit and reduces pressure on conversation.

Keep visits appropriately short. Young children have limited attention spans, and ending on a positive note is better than pushing until everyone is frustrated.

Beyond In-Person Visits

When you can't visit in person, other forms of connection matter:

• • Phone calls provide voice connection, though some seniors struggle with phone conversations. Keep calls brief and focused.
• • Video calls allow face-to-face connection and can be easier than phone calls for some seniors. Staff can often help facilitate.
• • Send mail. Physical cards and letters can be read multiple times and displayed in their room. Include photos when possible.
• • Send small gifts. Favorite snacks, flowers, or small comfort items show you're thinking of them even when you can't be there.

The most important thing to remember is that your presence matters. Even when visits feel awkward or difficult, even when your loved one may not remember your visit afterward, the emotional impact of connection remains. You are giving them the gift of knowing they are loved and not forgotten—and that gift has immeasurable value.